Chapter Forty-Seven: Facing One’s True Heart

“So, did you call Bear King to act?”
The Ji Family Escort Agency, peach grove behind the mountain.

As expected, the first person Xu Yuan met after descending to the mortal realm was Ji Wu.

And upon arrival, he was greeted by Ji Wu’s story—the most significant event that had happened to him in the past year.

“No.”

Ji Wu shook his head, his gaze tinged with a complex emotion.

The situation had been urgent; many refugees were on the verge of madness.

Faced with blades and swords, they would risk their lives for a bite of food.

Yet, if he had acted decisively and called Bear King to intervene, no matter how frenzied the refugees were, it would have been futile.

Those emaciated refugees were nothing before Bear King.

Perhaps with a single sweep, Bear King could have scared the rest into fleeing, dispersing them in terror.

Even the bandits of the mountains could not withstand Bear King’s savage might—so what hope did a group of desperate refugees have?

“So, what are you struggling with?” Xu Yuan looked at Ji Wu’s bewildered face and asked.

“Master Xu, I don’t know if I made the wrong choice. If I was wrong, then it began when I dismounted; arguing with Old Fang was another mistake; giving food to the old man was a grave error; giving food to the refugees with children after that was a greater mistake.

Then, when I agreed to let the childless refugees take the remaining food from the ground, it culminated in an irreparable disaster.

No, there was still a chance to salvage things—if I hadn't hesitated and had Bear King act when the refugees tried to forcibly take the food, not a soul could have threatened the provisions on the cart…”

Ji Wu had revisited this incident countless times over the past year.

The loss to the Ji Family Escort Agency was merely a batch of grain; precious in times of famine, but not something the agency couldn’t bear.

Ji Yun hadn’t blamed him, only relieved him of his duties as leader.

Those who had accompanied him on that fruitless journey had not suffered injuries—the refugees’ target was solely the food.

The employees were compensated by the agency.

But what truly tormented Ji Wu was not the loss of property, but each choice he made throughout the ordeal.

Money lost can be regained; the compensation paid by the Ji Family Escort Agency had no real impact. What mattered was Ji Wu’s heart.

“In the past year, I’ve read many books, hoping to untangle my doubts. The sages wrote, ‘A thousand-mile dam is destroyed by an ant’s nest.’

I wonder, was it my series of ill-timed choices that turned what could have been a safe delivery into such chaos?”

Ji Wu spoke with a trace of pain, “I pitied that old man, felt the food fallen to the ground wasn’t much, and that giving it to him was no harm.

Then those holding children came, pleading for charity. Unable to bear Old Fang’s ridicule, I acted magnanimously and gave food to those refugees with children.

That finally aroused the greed of the others, who gathered around. Had I been harsher and driven them off, perhaps none of this would have happened.

But I thought, since I’d already given, I might as well give away the two sacks left on the ground, and at last, lost control of the situation.

The ridiculous part is, the old man I gave food to hadn’t gone far before the food was gone from his hands. From start to finish, I was like a joke.”

Xu Yuan listened calmly, his gaze serene. When Ji Wu finally stopped, Xu Yuan repeated, “So, what are you struggling with?”

“Ah?” Ji Wu was stunned; he felt he’d spelled everything out.

He had pondered and replayed the event over and over, countless times, at midnight, haunted by it.

If his initial actions were merely the kindness of a naive youth, the later chaos was beyond his control.

Even at the end, he could have overturned the situation, but did not.

No one had comforted him or answered his doubts; only when he saw Xu Yuan could he unburden himself.

“To put it another way, why didn’t you call Bear King to act?” Xu Yuan’s face showed no emotion, his voice placid.

“I…” Ji Wu’s lips moved, but no sound came. After a moment, he finally said, “I suppose I couldn’t bear it in my heart.”

“You’ve killed before, haven’t you?” Xu Yuan pressed further.

“I have killed some roadside bandits,” Ji Wu replied quickly. “When we escorted goods and encountered wanted bandits, I killed several. Later, when I accompanied my father, to train my courage and resolve, I killed at least a dozen bandits. I’m not afraid to fight, nor to kill.”

“Then why, during the grain robbery, were you suddenly unable to bear it?”

Xu Yuan would not let him go, continuing to ask.

“Perhaps because those bandits deserved death. They robbed for wealth and pleasure, not just targeting us, but travelers, merchants, even local villagers.

Such people, I would kill without hesitation—whether they tried to take our goods or not. It is justice! Kill a hundred, a thousand, however many, and I would not falter!”

At this point, Ji Wu’s expression grew complicated. “But those refugees who seized our grain—they weren’t bandits!”

“Their actions were no different from bandits; they came to take your possessions,” Xu Yuan added.

“…Maybe it was because they looked so pitiful,” Ji Wu finally cracked under Xu Yuan’s relentless questioning. “I saw someone with his arm chopped off, screaming in agony, grabbing at the sacks with his remaining hand, shoving raw rice into his mouth.

I saw people curled on the ground, clinging to a handful of grain, beaten and kicked, refusing to let go.

I watched those deformed refugees, crazed, rushing at the food, tearing, howling, no different from beasts.”

Ji Wu closed his eyes, as if that nightmare scene replayed before him.

Even the so-called hells in storybooks could not compare to the shock of that moment.

He was pushed aside by the surging crowd, forced to watch helplessly as it all unfolded.

“I couldn’t call Bear King to act. I couldn’t speak.”

Ji Wu finally lowered his head, like a wilted radish, and whispered, “Perhaps, as Old Fang said, I am still too weak.”

A hand rested on his shoulder—not forceful, but warm.

Xu Yuan said, “Why bow your head and close your eyes? I never said you did wrong.”