Chapter Seven: Couldn't Hold It In
Geng Haoshi shouted, waving his phone wildly.
“…Master, perhaps you’ve misunderstood again…”
“What?” Geng Haoshi continued to revel in his excitement.
“…Master, there’s a saying on your planet—‘Girls who love to smile are blessed with good luck’… Yang Mimi smiles so much, her luck shouldn’t be too bad…”
“What are you trying to say?”
“…So, even if she were blind, she probably wouldn’t sink so low as to fall for you, would she?”
“…”
“…”
“You! Would you die if you didn’t mock me for one day?” Geng Haoshi roared.
“…Master, there’s one more thing I need to remind you…”
Geng Haoshi didn’t want to respond.
“Master, you haven’t completed today’s task yet… If you don’t finish it within today, you’ll receive double the electric shock penalty.”
“Double the electric shock penalty?!” Geng Haoshi exclaimed in horror. “A single shock already has me convulsing and foaming at the mouth! Double? Won’t that kill me?!”
“…It shouldn’t, Master… But there may be some minor side effects…” The system hesitated.
“What side effects?” Geng Haoshi felt an ominous premonition.
“Master… it could result in incontinence, inability to care for yourself, stroke, paralysis, and so on…”
“You! How is that called minor side effects?!”
“…Master, there’s something else…”
“There’s more?!” Geng Haoshi collapsed on the bed, exuding the attitude of a pig unafraid of boiling water.
“…Master, actually, it’s because you attempted a task above your current level that the double shock penalty applies…”
“When did I attempt something above my level?” Geng Haoshi was utterly confused.
“…Master, your first task—developing an eight-pack in a month—is actually an intermediate-level task…”
“…”
“…”
“Damn it! You said I was obviously at the beginner stage! Didn’t you claim the task was chosen as the optimal solution based on my own data analysis?!”
“…Yes, Master… The beginner stage consists of tasks for learning basic basketball rules. With your current fat and sluggish physique, even if you completed all beginner tasks, you’d still be nothing more than a punching bag. So, it’s not suitable for you…”
“That guy called O’Neal is fat and heavy too, isn’t he?” Geng Haoshi grasped desperately, recalling that there was such a figure in the NBA.
“Master, O’Neal is 2.16 meters tall, but you’re only 1.69 meters…”
“It’s 1.70 meters, okay!” Geng Haoshi hated being told he was under 1.70 meters.
“And, Master, O’Neal can breakdance.”
“What does breakdancing have to do with anything?” Geng Haoshi was baffled.
“Master… Even if O’Neal didn’t play basketball, he’d win the hearts of beauties with his dancing… but you can’t.”
“…”
“Master…”
“What now?” Geng Haoshi felt utterly exhausted.
“Master, I suddenly thought of a story from your planet that’s quite similar to your current predicament…”
Geng Haoshi muttered inwardly: I won’t ask what story it is, and you’d better not tell me. It’s bound to be nothing good!
“Master, the story goes like this…”
Damn, he’s completely ignoring me.
“It’s about a reporter interviewing 100 penguins about their daily activities. The first said: eat, sleep, play with beans. The second said: eat, sleep, play with beans. Ninety-nine gave the same answer. When she asked the hundredth, it said: eat, sleep. The reporter asked, ‘Why don’t you play with beans?’ The hundredth penguin replied, ‘I am Beans.’”
“…What kind of story is that?”
“Master, did you understand?”
“Only a ghost could understand!” Geng Haoshi snapped.
“…Master, your situation is much like Beans in the story… Your competitiveness among your peers is zero, so you’re bound to get trounced…”
“…”
“So, Master… let’s go finish the remaining tasks happily!”
“…” Happily? Who could be happy right now?!
“Master, how about you try the effect of double electric shock first… then decide?”
In a flash, Geng Haoshi leaped from the bed. “Damn it! Suddenly, I’m full of energy! Come on, 9527, follow me to the athletic field and let’s gallop together!”
The system sweated. Master sure knows how to give himself a way out.
Thus, Geng Haoshi was coerced by 9527 to the school’s athletic field…
“I never expected so many people to be here at this hour.” As a ten-year shut-in, Geng Haoshi was deeply perplexed by the scene before him.
The vast field was bustling: men and women playing badminton, tennis, basketball, running on the track… And—“Cheerleaders?!” Geng Haoshi’s gaze instantly focused on a group of vibrant, beautiful girls in tiny miniskirts with slender waists, legs, and arms.
Geng Haoshi swallowed, marveling, “So this is the beauty of the athletic field!”
“…Master, if you keep staring, your eyeballs will fall out… Let’s hurry and complete the task…”
Geng Haoshi wiped the drool from the corner of his mouth, and suddenly noticed his roommate, Ye Liangchen—the master of picking up girls—playing tennis with a skirted girl in the tennis area!
“No wonder he always hangs out here. It’s because there are so many girls.” Geng Haoshi saw the light.
He began searching for the pull-up bar. Having already completed his five-kilometer run that morning, he now had to do five hundred pull-ups.
“There it is.” After scouring the field, Geng Haoshi finally spotted the pull-up bar in a small corner.
“No girls here at all…” Geng Haoshi muttered dejectedly, choosing the shortest bar. Even so, he had to jump three times before he managed to grab it.
He gripped the bar tightly, clenched his hands, tensed his muscles, and strained upward with all his might… Time ticked by…
Geng Haoshi remained hanging, as lifeless as a corpse strung up in ancient Rome… His face flushed as if he’d been constipated for days, suddenly feeling the urge but unable to relieve himself despite all his effort…
“…Master, are you planning to relieve yourself in that position?” 9527, after scanning Geng Haoshi’s intestinal system, posed the question.
“You, shut up!”
Maybe it was this outburst that ruined his concentration, for suddenly, with a “pfft,” a foul smell wafted out…
“…Master, you’ve soiled yourself…”
“Damn your system!” Geng Haoshi bolted for the dormitory in panic, stuffed the soiled underwear into a black plastic bag, and furtively flung it out the window… Then, he emptied an entire bottle of shower gel onto himself and scrubbed thoroughly…
“…Master, you’ve relieved yourself and showered… Time to finish the task…”
“Shut up!” Geng Haoshi shouted.
He dressed, slapped himself awake, and returned to the athletic field.
He found a crowd of girls gathered in that small corner by the pull-up bar!
Rushing over, Geng Haoshi saw they were gathered around a tall bar, where a pair of strong arms moved up and down rapidly…
“It’s him!” Geng Haoshi realized the person rapidly doing pull-ups was the tall guy he’d accidentally hit with a basketball before!
The tall guy moved effortlessly, up and down without a care. He seemed to notice Geng Haoshi too!
“Hey! It’s you, kid!”
The tall guy let go and landed, striding straight up to Geng Haoshi.
“Let’s see where you run today!” With that, he grabbed Geng Haoshi’s collar and lifted him off the ground.
“Big brother… so many people are watching… Judging from how they look at you, I think they must be your fans… It’s not good to hit someone in front of your fans.” Geng Haoshi stammered.
The tall guy considered this and found it reasonable, but after a moment, he didn’t want to let Geng Haoshi off so easily.
“Hey, last time you hit me with the ball, were you challenging my skills?” He let Geng Haoshi down, pretending to straighten his collar, but spoke in a threatening tone.
“Heh… No, no… Just an accidental slip of the hand…”
“A slip? My head still hurts from your hit.”
“How could you do that? If you wanted to compete, you shouldn’t have thrown the ball!” A girl beside the tall guy protested indignantly, and the other girls chimed in.
Geng Haoshi was at a loss. He couldn’t say it was 9527 who made him throw it, though that was the truth.
“Look, I don’t want to make a big deal out of it. But since you’ve challenged me, why not accept the match?” The tall guy was intent on humiliating Geng Haoshi on the basketball court.
Just when Geng Haoshi didn’t know how to respond, a refreshing breeze swept through, carrying a subtle fragrance…
Turning, Geng Haoshi saw a cascade of glossy black hair, bright watery eyes, a delicate nose, thin lips, and a stunning figure—like a goddess descended!
“Mimi?!”
“Second Brother.” Yang Mimi waved as she walked toward Geng Haoshi.
Standing beside him, dimples showing as she smiled, she asked, “Second Brother, what are you up to?”
“Don’t change the subject!” Perhaps jealous of Yang Mimi’s beauty, the girl who’d questioned Geng Haoshi glared at him, saying, “You’re scared of Tian-ge’s skills, aren’t you? Afraid to compete? Fat pig!” Looking at Geng Haoshi’s flabby form, her eyes radiated disdain.
Though Geng Haoshi was long used to ridicule, and had just been plotting how to escape, at this moment, seeing Yang Mimi standing by his side, he gritted his teeth and shouted, “Fine, let’s compete! Who’s afraid?!”