Chapter One: What Kind of Crazy System Has Fallen from the Sky?!

“Beep, beep, beep…”

Groggily opening his eyes, Geng Haoshi stretched lazily before getting out of bed to wash up.

If you imagine this is a story about a model student who loves studying, sets an alarm every morning, and rises diligently, you couldn't be more wrong!

He—Geng Haoshi—was a sophomore at a second-rate university, standing at one meter seventy, and severely overweight.

Today, Geng Haoshi had set his alarm for nine o'clock—a rare occasion, as it meant he was rising a full hour earlier than usual.

Why? Because today was the fan meeting with Miss Aoi.

Three months ago, upon hearing the news, Geng Haoshi had laboriously hunted down and rewatched every single film starring his goddess, day and night, preparing for her arrival. In his own words, "To know her works by heart—that's true love."

After washing up and getting dressed, he stood in front of the mirror, inspecting himself again and again. For this special day, he had even borrowed a suit from a senior in his fourth year. Now he admired his reflection, looking as sharp as he ever would.

"Looking good, handsome! The goddess will be utterly charmed when she sees you," he puckered his lips at the mirror, grinning foolishly.

Everything was ready.

Carrying a diary covered in photos of his beloved goddess, Geng Haoshi locked his dorm room with a heart full of joy, setting out toward her.

He had five roommates, all in the same year and major. Today, each was off early—some on dates, some playing ball, some headed to the study hall. This was their daily routine.

But Geng Haoshi? He rarely got up before ten. Skipping class, playing games, watching those famous overseas videos—his life had nothing to do with studying, exercising, or outdoor activities.

He was, through and through, the quintessential shut-in.

Because of this, he barely crossed paths with his roommates, and their relationships were indifferent at best. He often sighed, lamenting how hard it was to find a kindred spirit—someone who shared his love for certain films.

But none of that mattered today. Today was a day of destiny. At last, he would lay eyes on his long-cherished goddess!

Geng Haoshi broke into a little run—his first proper run since high school—humming a tune from one of those foreign films as he passed the school basketball court.

“Bang!”

A standard, street-vendor-quality Spalding basketball, traveling at twenty-two meters per second, struck Geng Haoshi squarely on the forehead.

“So many stars... Goddess... I... am coming…” Before he could finish, he collapsed, unconscious.

“Dear master, greetings. This is unit 9527, the Super Slam Dunk System, at your service.”

In the void, Geng Haoshi heard a robotic voice echoing inside his head.

“Master, press the confirm button and you’ll meet your goddess. Would you like to confirm?”

Those words flashed through his mind like lightning, and with a surge of hormones, adrenaline, and dopamine, Geng Haoshi shouted, “Confirm!”

Suddenly, he regained consciousness, surrounded by passing girls staring at him as if he were insane.

“What just happened? Where’s my goddess?” Geng Haoshi felt as if he’d awoken in another world.

“Master, I am the 9527 Super Slam Dunk System. You have confirmed your binding with me, and your system tasks are now beginning…”

“Who’s talking?” Geng Haoshi realized the voice was coming from inside his own head, leaving him at a loss. Could he have been possessed in broad daylight?

“Master, you are not possessed. I am speaking to you,” the robotic voice replied.

As unbelievable as it seemed, Geng Haoshi finally accepted that the voice was indeed in his own mind.

“You? Who are you? Why are you in my head?” Geng Haoshi stammered, flustered.

“I have already told you—I am the 9527 Super Slam Dunk System…”

“…” Geng Haoshi was speechless.
“…” The system was equally silent.
“My dear master… Could it be that you are mentally deficient?” The system wondered aloud.
“What the hell! You’re the one who’s deficient!” Geng Haoshi snapped.
“Apologies, master. I am the 9527 Super Slam Dunk System, certified under the Galactic 9001 Standard Quality system. Please use with confidence.”
“What Super Slam Dunk System? I know 9527. You think I haven’t watched Stephen Chow’s movies? Don’t try to fool me, confess the truth!”
“…” The system fell silent again.
“My dear master, because you intercepted a basketball traveling at twenty-two meters per second with your head, you are now the 222,222,222nd lucky user of the Super Slam Dunk System.”
“…” Geng Haoshi fell silent once more.
“…” The system was silent a third time.
“My dear master, have you ever had your IQ tested?”
“…” Geng Haoshi’s silence matched the system’s.
“…” The system was quiet a fourth time.
“Ding ding… Command from the main system. Dear master, please accept your first mission.”
“I don’t care what kind of system you are, I’m going to see my goddess now!” Geng Haoshi had no intention of entangling himself with this so-called Super Slam Dunk System.

“Master, you have one minute to complete the following task. If you fail to complete it within the time limit, you will be punished with an electric shock…”

“The task: Pick up the basketball on the ground and throw it at the tallest player on the basketball court.”

“Countdown begins: 60, 59, 58, 57, 56, …”

“Why do I have to hit someone with a ball?!”

“53, 52, …”

“If I fail, I’ll get shocked?!”

“46, 45, …”

“Hey! You dumb system, answer me!”

“33, 32, …”

Could it really shock me? Geng Haoshi shuddered.

“22, 21, …”

What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? He unconsciously began rubbing his hands together—his nervous habit.

“10, 9, …”

Time was running out. What now? What now? What now?

“5, 4, …”

“To hell with it!” Geng Haoshi snatched up the ball that had just hit him, assumed a discus-throwing stance.

“2, 1, 0.”

“Bang!”

At the very last moment, the basketball Geng Haoshi hurled struck the tallest player on the court dead-on.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!”

He couldn’t believe he’d actually hit the target! He thought back to his previous PE exams, where students had to make six shots out of ten to pass. Geng Haoshi hadn’t scored a single basket—neither in the exam nor in the retake. In the end, his PE teacher told him to retake the class next year.

This one throw seemed to release all the humiliation he’d suffered in PE over the years.

And so, this severely overweight guy stood just outside the court, pumping his fist and shouting, “Yes!”

“Master...”

“Don’t speak, let me savor this feeling a little longer. The sweetness of this moment is almost unbelievable!”

“Master, um...”

“I said don’t speak! Don’t you understand human speech?”

“It was you who hit me with the ball, wasn’t it?” A tall figure, looming like a mountain, suddenly rose before Geng Haoshi.

It was the very player he’d just nailed with the basketball!

“Master, I suggest you run. The guy you hit is coming toward you.”

“Why didn’t you say so earlier?” Geng Haoshi’s heart pounded as he faced the furious giant.

“…” The system was speechless for the fifth time.

“Master, based on my scan, your physical attributes are inferior to his in every regard. Even if you run, you’ll be caught. Therefore, I recommend confessing your mistake and seeking leniency.”

“Damn you, you backstabbing system! You told me to throw it, and now you’re abandoning me!”

“…” The system was silent for the sixth time.

“Hey, short and chubby, stop mumbling to yourself and playing dumb. I saw you hit me with the ball, clear as day!” the giant said, grabbing Geng Haoshi’s collar with one hand and lifting him off the ground.

“Hey, let’s talk this out. We’re all classmates here, why the hostility?” Geng Haoshi had another quirk—when nervous, he started quoting classical literature, as if displaying his cultural knowledge would defuse the situation.

“I’m asking you—can’t you keep your hands to yourself? How dare you hit just anyone?” The giant raised his left fist, the massive knuckles waving before Geng Haoshi’s eyes.

“9527?... Super Slam Dunk System? Are you there?... Think of something!” Geng Haoshi’s eyes followed the looming fist, swaying back and forth.

“Sorry, master. I’m unable to help in this situation. I’ll return to the main system for a recharge. Maybe next time I can assist...”

“Beep—”

“What, did it disconnect? Or is the line busy?” Deep down, Geng Haoshi knew—the treacherous system had fled.

“Stop putting on an act!” The giant’s eyes blazed, as if fire would shoot from them. “Let’s see how I deal with you!”

With that, the giant, still holding Geng Haoshi in one hand, strode onto the court.

He set Geng Haoshi down directly beneath the basketball hoop, pointed at him threateningly, “Stay right here, don’t move an inch. If you so much as flinch, I’ll punch you!”

He picked up the basketball, walked to the free-throw line, and tossed it high into the air. The ball arced gracefully before dropping straight through the hoop—smacking Geng Haoshi on the crown of his head.

Laughter erupted from the players watching. Seeing Geng Haoshi take the hit without dodging was a sight to behold.

The giant picked up the ball again, this time hurling it high and then racing beneath the hoop. Leaping up, he caught the ball mid-air and slammed it down with all his force.

The basketball crashed onto Geng Haoshi’s head, sending stars spinning before his eyes.

“Master, are you alright?” The mechanical voice sounded in his mind once more.

“Heh… didn’t you… run off?... Why… are you… back?” Geng Haoshi, dizzy from the blows, spoke with difficulty.

“Master, I’ve just acquired a solution for situations like this. Would you like to try it?”