Chapter 142: Why Can’t It Last Forever?

After a long silence, Shen Qingyi spoke first. "Let's end it here. I'll take fifty thousand from the savings account as compensation for these past four years. The password for the account is An'an's birthday."

She was the one proposing the divorce, and she had no real reason to take his money, but she felt that if she took it, he would be even more disappointed in her.

Lu Yan tossed the passbook onto her desk, his eyes cold. "Keep it all. Whatever Xia Xiyue can give you, I will double it in the future."

If she were doing this for the sake of a professor, he could consider the divorce. He knew this was a thorn in his wife’s heart, and even if she were to hit a wall, she had to try, otherwise, she would always be tormented by the regret of not having done everything she could. He would be there to protect her from behind. With An'an, she would eventually return to his side.

But she was doing this for Xia Xiyue?

His fingers curled into fists, digging into his palms. For the first time, he tasted jealousy—a sensation so potent it felt as if it could destroy his reason and self-respect.

Shen Qingyi had no idea where his thoughts had wandered. "That is not something that can be measured by money."

Lu Yan had always been slow to understand matters of the heart, his emotions driven by instinct. Hearing these words seemed to hurt even more. "Are you saying that no matter how hard I try in the future, I will never compare to him?"

It had to be said that Lu Yan had a knack for understanding things, though that wasn't what Shen Qingyi meant. "There is nothing about you that doesn't compare to him."

The corners of Lu Yan's eyes turned red, yet he struggled to remain composed. "Then why don't you love me?"

Hearing this, Shen Qingyi’s heart skipped a beat, and for a moment, she was speechless. How could she not love him? She had loved him from the very first moment she saw him; her father would never have married her off to someone she didn't love. And she loved him even more now.

If her attempt to overturn the verdict failed, bearing the titles of "Professor Shen's daughter" and "Lu Yan's wife" would inevitably draw everyone’s attention again. With Lu Yan’s name tied to her father’s, there was no telling if malicious people would use her background or political status to frame him. Even An'an would be affected.

"I have already loved," Shen Qingyi said softly.

Lu Yan did not understand. Could something like love have an expiration date? "Then why can’t you keep loving me?"

His mind felt chaotic. This issue shouldn't have been important—as long as she was his wife, that should have been enough—but he could no longer control his emotions. He felt a desperate need to get a clear answer about whether she loved him or not.

Shen Qingyi suddenly felt that this man before her was much like a primary school student when he became stubborn; he didn't understand certain things, yet he knew how to get angry and fixate on trivialities. Even so, his sincerity was so profound it was heartbreaking.

Shen Qingyi felt an indescribable sense of helplessness. She shouldn't have tried to have a showdown with Lu Yan using the logic one would use on an ordinary man.

"Lu Yan, please don't make this difficult for me!" Her voice was faint, trembling with distress.

It seemed that no matter what she did, it was wrong. Should she abandon the father who had spent his entire life working himself to the bone, dedicating his time and energy to the education of talent and the advancement of the nation? Should she abandon the man who had raised her, spoiled her, loved her, and repeatedly compromised his own principles for her? Or should she pull Lu Yan into this? She believed he would be willing, but they had An'an, and besides, this was her choice; she didn't want to drag him down with her.

Did she have to keep waiting? But until when? If her mother were to disappear one day just like He Xiangcao, would everything end up amounting to nothing?

She sat on the bed, weak and exhausted. Fearing she might wake An'an, she covered her face and sobbed quietly.

Watching his wife’s shoulders shake incessantly, Lu Yan’s heart tightened; he couldn't find the words. In all the time he had known her, he had only seen her cry twice.

"Qingyi, let’s talk this through properly!" His tone suddenly softened.

As soon as he spoke, he saw his wife look up, her face stained with tears, with droplets still clinging to her lashes. In that instant, all his hostility evaporated. His heart softened completely, and he could no longer bring himself to press her further.

He remembered that year when she came to the school to find the professor. Someone told her the professor was in the lab, so she went there. At that time, she wore a high ponytail, a red knitted vest over a white shirt, and her round eyes scanned the room looking for someone. Perhaps realizing he was the only one there, she walked toward him. Just as she was about to speak, she accidentally knocked over a bottle of ink on the professor’s experiment table, ruining the data the professor had just compiled.

She frantically borrowed paper from him, scrubbing at the mess, but it was useless. She was so anxious she started to cry. He usually despised such clumsy girls, but for some reason, when her tears fell, his heart softened. He quickly stepped forward, tore off the blurred page, and rewrote the data from memory, just as the professor had explained it to him while recording it.

She looked at him with an expression of disbelief, thanking him repeatedly. That was the first time he realized that perhaps a clumsy girl wasn't so annoying after all.

When the professor returned, he thought she had some major issue, but she only said she had her eye on a hair clip at the department store that cost one yuan and fifty cents, and her mother wouldn't buy it for her. Yet, he clearly remembered she already had a dark blue butterfly ribbon on her ponytail.

A one-fifty hair clip? The professor would hesitate even when buying ink that cost twenty cents more than usual, and Lu Yan thought she was going to get scolded. Instead, the professor pulled two yuan from his pocket without hesitation, pressed it into her hand, and told her with a laugh not to keep pestering her mother.

When she got the money, she wiped away her tears instantly. He remembered for a long time the way she skipped out of the laboratory.

And today was the second time he had seen her cry.

"Lu Yan," Shen Qingyi whispered, "I... I don't want to have any regrets."

Lu Yan walked over and reached out to wipe away her tears. "Then you don't even want An'an anymore?"

Shen Qingyi choked back a sob. "He will still be my son, even if he is with you."

"Do you intend to let An'an know about this?"

Shen Qingyi lowered her eyes. "I will tell him after some time."

Lu Yan remained silent.

"Go file the divorce papers in a couple of days," Shen Qingyi urged him.

Lu Yan remained silent for a long time, offering no answer.

After a while, Shen Qingyi said again, "Change An'an's surname back, and register him under your household."

"Whatever his surname is, he is still my son. I don't care about that." In Lu Yan's view, the name "Lu" was not something worth glorifying one's ancestors over.

Shen Qingyi looked at the man’s refined and gentle features; she always felt that the things he cared about were different from other men.

Lu Yan still did not commit to the divorce, but Shen Qingyi was exhausted. She turned on her side, leaning against the bed frame, her eyes vacant and hollow, lost in thought.

Over the next two days, Shen Qingyi rarely went out and barely ate.

That evening, Lu Yan finally couldn't hold back anymore; he pushed open her door and then closed it behind him. He had completely overturned his previous thought—that as long as she was his wife and stayed by his side, it would be enough. But seeing her like this, he could no longer keep silent.

"Qingyi, I can divorce you, but I have one condition."

"What condition?"