Chapter 97: I Will No Longer Love You

Looking back now, Aunt Rong’s words weren’t really such a big deal. Someone like him—a favored child of heaven—being with her at that time was indeed a mismatch. Aside from her family background, she had nothing that could compare with others. She had no reason to be angry.

He took care of her because of her brother, and later, when he became distant, whatever his reasons were, it was perfectly normal. Even before that, he was never someone adept at expressing emotions, nor was he fond of closeness with her. It was just during that phase, when she was secretly in love and suddenly felt “strangely neglected” by him, that she became especially sensitive.

She feared her feelings would be discovered by him, feared he wouldn’t like her, that she would trouble him, so she tried to avoid him. Then, she heard from Aunt Rong that Qin Yu would never like someone as deaf and mute as her, and that he was being set up with Song Ning, who was already a TV host at the time; the two were even beginning to develop a deeper relationship.

For her, it was like a bolt from the blue, forcing her to overthink everything.

But later, she realized she had no grounds to blame Qin Yu. If anything, she could only blame herself.

If she hadn’t insisted on liking him, she wouldn’t have been so easily disturbed by Aunt Rong’s deliberate or unintentional provocations. If she had always only seen him as her third brother, things would never have turned out the way they did.

In the end, it was her own hands that shaped both the past and the present situation.

So, it was she who owed a sincere apology.

“For everything that’s passed, I want to properly thank you and apologize—”

“Lin Xi, you never needed to apologize to me, nor thank me for anything.”

Qin Yu suddenly spoke, interrupting her. “My intentions have never been as simple as you imagine.”

“…What?” Lin Xi was stunned.

Not long ago, when she learned Qin Yu might have feelings for her, she didn’t dare think deeply about it. She never considered when he might have started liking her too, afraid it was just another absurd dream.

But now, here and now, his words seemed to point to the same time as hers—the year she never dared imagine.

How could that be?

“I didn’t return to the country just because of my eldest brother’s orders. I’ve said this more than once, but you’ve never taken it seriously.”

“I came back to see you, and later kept appearing in your life, all because of my own selfish desires. From the very beginning, what I wanted was never your gratitude.”

“Did you really not see that I liked you?”

Lin Xi: “…”

“I’ve never been the kind of person who spends all my energy and patience on others every day; I have my own life, too.”

“But at that time, my entire focus was on you. In my heart, you were always the most important. Do you still think I was only acting on my brother’s instructions?”

Each word from Qin Yu struck her heart, as if determined to break the thin barrier between them, even tear down the window itself.

A few seconds later, as Lin Xi’s breath faltered, he gave a soft laugh and said, “Or perhaps, I didn’t do enough, my intentions toward you weren’t obvious enough. I never gave you a chance to see my feelings.”

“Or…” Or not.

Lin Xi frowned, unable to speak. She had seen it, more than once. But later, everything faded like a mirage, as if it was all just her own wishful thinking.

Her heartbeat thudded in her chest, numbing it, striking her repeatedly, making her question if everything she believed was nothing but her own assumptions.

In truth, from beginning to end, his gaze had always rested on her.

His purpose, his feelings back then, were just like hers—at some moment, they had laid themselves bare before the two of them, only to be carefully hidden away again in the next instant.

Afraid the other would see, yet afraid they wouldn’t.

So he too had been caught in the same tangled emotions, struggling and wavering, just as she had.

Together, they had sunk into that swamp.

Thinking of this, Lin Xi felt neither joy nor regret, only an endless surge of bittersweet sorrow.

She couldn’t describe what she felt at this moment.

After seven years trapped alone, forced to give up, the originator suddenly told her that she was never the only one imprisoned.

The one who couldn’t let go, who regretted, who missed deeply—was him, too.

But what did it mean?

She had already moved on; why did she have to hear this now?

A bitter taste rose in her throat, and after a long pause, she squeezed out, “What’s past is past.”

She never wanted to hear his explanations, from the moment she returned to the country, she avoided talking about the past.

Qin Yu’s fingers tightened abruptly. This was not the answer he wanted.

“You don’t believe me.”

“…No.” Lin Xi pressed her lips together, and with some difficulty, uttered, “It’s not that.”

“It’s just that everything you’ve said—none of it matters to me anymore.”

Yes, it simply didn’t matter anymore.

What’s lost was lost.

She admitted she had always cherished the Qin Yu of the past, but now, with him standing before her and telling her he was still the same as he was back then, she found herself unable to accept him.

Because between them stood seven long years.

“What about back then?” Qin Yu desperately needed her answer. If it had been her from the past, would she still say it didn’t matter?

“It mattered.” She smiled wryly, then shook her head. “But I still wouldn’t have been with you.”

With a sudden snap, the string of agarwood beads in Qin Yu’s hand broke.

The beads rolled to the ground one after another, but this time, no one paid them any mind.

Lin Xi didn’t even glance at them, and continued, “Your words would have made things less painful for me, but as for being together—it just wouldn’t have been possible.”

“Aunt Rong and Song Ning did find me back then, and told me you would never like someone like me.”

“True or not, someone from an incomplete family, flawed myself, really wasn’t a match for you at the time.”

“Their words did hit me hard.”

“Even after I returned to the country, every time I saw you with Song Ning, or saw Aunt Rong, those words echoed in my mind, constantly reminding me to stay away from you.”

“I never meant to blame it all on you. I admit, when I first came back, I did have some prejudice against you. But recently, I no longer dwell in those feelings; when I see you and Song Ning, I feel very calm.”

“Is that so.” Qin Yu smiled, though perhaps it shouldn’t be called a smile. “I never saw it that way.”

She saw him avoiding her, almost as if she were a plague.

Sighing, Lin Xi faced him honestly. “That’s because I don’t love you.”

“!” Qin Yu’s pupils trembled violently, his entire presence chilled by her words.

Lin Xi smiled at him, relieved. “Qin Yu, you are wonderful. But I will never love you again.”