Volume One, Chapter Two: Don't Look at Me—If You Do, I'll Eat You

“Your Majesty, are you alright?”
The attendant, Lady Wan’er, observed the Empress closely and asked in a gentle voice. Her neat fringe covered most of her forehead, but her delicate features and graceful face only heightened her gentle aura.
If the Empress radiated extraordinary charm, her regal presence carved deep into her bones, then Wan’er was the girl next door—gentle and refined. Both were bewitchingly beautiful, possessing the grace to captivate a nation, yet they stood in stark contrast, like ice and fire, for Wan’er was anything but cold.
“It’s nothing. Lord Su, do you find this residence I’ve chosen for you satisfactory?”
Supported by Wan’er, the Empress stepped slowly out of the imperial carriage, her gaze still sweeping the surroundings.
Just now, that strange voice had echoed in her mind—what was more, it had appeared twice! The Empress was certain she hadn’t misheard.
Yet a question gnawed at her: where had this voice come from? Who was speaking, and why could only she hear it?
“Thank you for your kindness, Your Majesty. I am undeserving and deeply grateful,” Su Zhongwen bowed low.
In his youth, Su Zhongwen had participated in the imperial examinations, earning distinction and serving as a local official, which thoroughly honed his abilities. This led to the Prime Minister Yan Liben recommending him.
This spring, Su Zhongwen had been promoted to Minister of Justice.
The Empress gave a slight shake of her head, but her mind lingered on that mysterious voice.
From the tone, it seemed the speaker was unaware the Empress could hear him.
So—
She must be hearing his innermost thoughts…
The Empress was intrigued. This was interesting indeed.
And judging from the content, the speaker must be here, in the Su residence.
Since that narrowed the scope, the Empress immediately turned her attention to Su Zhongwen.
As their eyes met, Su Zhongwen quickly lowered his head and said,
“I humbly welcome Your Majesty to my home.”
The Empress nodded and looked away. If the strange voice belonged to Su Zhongwen, she would never believe it—he was a loyal minister, personally promoted by her. How could he disparage her in his heart?
Just as the Empress was about to enter the residence, the voice sounded again!
[This Empress is beautiful, sure, and sexy too, but why does she react like a turtle? Could she be senile?]
[Well, at least we’re finally getting inside. That little maid can chat with my brother all she wants as long as she doesn’t disturb my sleep!]

Hmm?
The Empress paused on the threshold, then turned to look at Su Chen, who had been pretending to be obedient but had been silently grumbling about her.
At this moment, Wu Zetian’s gaze pierced Su Chen.
If she wasn’t mistaken, he was the one who’d just slandered her!
He dared call her slow—
Shameless wretch!
And he even suggested she was senile…
Though she didn’t fully understand the term, its meaning was clear enough.
Outrageous! She, old? Where was she old?
He even dared call her “Little Seductress.”
Was he, shameless as he was, allowed to utter such words?
…
“Oh no, I’ve messed up now!”
Seeing the Empress’s eyes shift to Su Chen, Su Zhongwen inwardly cursed.
His younger brother was notoriously lazy; had it not been for the sake of decorum, Su Zhongwen wouldn’t have bothered to wake him.
Now, he feared Su Chen’s slothful nature might offend the Empress!
He’d been anxious all along, but now that the Empress was entering, his worries eased—until she noticed Su Chen!
“Your Majesty, this is my younger brother, Su Chen. He is honest and simple, though his temperament is… Su Chen, come greet Her Majesty!”
Su Zhongwen hurriedly spoke, intending to mention Su Chen’s laziness but couldn’t bring himself to say it aloud.
Su Chen was bewildered; prompted by his brother, he stepped forward and bowed: “Su Chen, a commoner, greets Your Majesty!”
While Su Zhongwen was Minister of Justice—a pillar of the realm—Su Chen held no office, no honors, and was merely a commoner.
Though Su Chen was bowing to the Empress, his inner monologue never ceased:
[Is the Empress dumb? What’s wrong with her? She was halfway inside, now suddenly staring at me?]
[Still staring? Keep it up and I’ll eat you alive!]

Su Chen suddenly recalled an amusing line from an advertisement.
Yet his handsome, chiseled face remained calm and respectful.
Though brothers, Su Zhongwen and Su Chen were sharply different in appearance—Su Zhongwen was portly, the very image of an official, while Su Chen stood tall and handsome, athletic in build.
Sadly, their reputations were equally opposed—Su Chen, despite his good looks, spent his days lazing at home, a hopeless slacker, while Su Zhongwen, rotund as he was, was a rare genius and statesman.
The Empress regarded Su Chen’s honest, upright demeanor, but her heart burned with fury.
Well, well!
“If I couldn’t hear your thoughts, I might’ve been fooled by your innocent act!”
Rage boiled within her; she was accustomed to intrigue at court, yet Su Chen’s duplicity was a shock to her worldview.
How could anyone be so shameless?
So shameless as to this degree?
He treated her with reverence on the surface, but secretly fantasized about devouring her!
Outrageous—Su Chen was guilty of grave disrespect!
She was ready to punish him, yet suddenly she hesitated—though he was guilty, there was no evidence.
She couldn’t claim to hear his thoughts and convict him; that would be absurd.
Besides, Minister Su Zhongwen was present—the equivalent of the Chief Justice—and Su Chen was his brother…
[Why are you still staring? Is there a flower on my face? Isn’t it tiring to stay outside? Let’s get inside and talk business!]
[But to be honest, that little maid beside the Empress is really pretty. If only I could marry her and make her my wife!]
Su Chen’s face remained honest and respectful, but his thoughts kept running wild.
This time, his musings were sincere—Wan’er looked gentle, thoughtful, and surely obedient. She was just the sort one dreamed of marrying.
…