Volume One, Chapter One: Who Dares to Tease the Emperor!
Year One of the Grand Qian Prosperous Era, Imperial Capital.
A brilliant moon hung in the sky, and a general amnesty was proclaimed across the land!
The Grand Qian Dynasty welcomed its first ever Empress, the first woman to ascend the throne in a millennium!
Yet, at dawn on this auspicious day, the new Empress departed from the imperial palace and made straight for the Su Residence!
...
At the Su Residence
"Su Chen! Su Chen!"
"Stop sleeping already! Her Majesty the Empress will arrive any moment now—get up, quickly!"
Su Zhongwen, Minister of Justice, stood by the bedside, his body trembling as he gazed at Su Chen, who clung to sleep with the stubbornness of a dead pig. The Empress herself was coming to their home—what honor, what fortune!
But Su Chen, stubborn as ever, slept on as if nothing could rouse him, his snores shaking the rafters.
At long last, after several sharp slaps from Su Zhongwen, Su Chen was finally jolted awake, though he still looked half-asleep and muddled.
"Damn it, Old Su, did you just slap me?"
Su Zhongwen looked a bit embarrassed and turned his head away.
"Slap you? Of course not. You must have dreamed it."
Su Chen cast a suspicious glance at his brother, convinced he was the culprit, though he had no proof.
Seeing Su Chen still drowsy and unsteady, Su Zhongwen urged him on anxiously, "The Empress will be here any moment! Hurry up and get yourself ready!"
"Alright, alright, big brother. It's just the Empress coming, isn't it? What are you so scared of?"
At these words, Su Zhongwen's whole bulk quivered with anxiety.
Was this a matter of fear or not?
This was the Empress—the Empress! To offend her could mean nothing less than imprisonment, or even death! And yet, Su Chen acted as if lying abed was nothing unusual for such a day. In truth, when did he ever act otherwise?
...
"You girls, quickly come and help Su Chen dress!"
Fuming, Su Zhongwen stamped his foot and summoned several maids to help Su Chen wash and dress. This was no time for jokes—if things went wrong, it could cost them their heads!
Speaking of his younger brother, Su Zhongwen often doubted whether Su Chen was truly his kin. The two brothers could not be more different.
Aside from his delicate, handsome features, Su Chen's greatest passion was sleeping. No matter the place or time, he could fall asleep at will—this was his peculiar talent.
Yet, despite it all, Su Zhongwen could only endure. Their parents had died young, and as the saying goes, the elder brother is as a father. All he could do was be as tolerant as possible.
Turning back, he saw Su Chen had finally washed, dressed, and was standing—if only barely, for he looked about to collapse at any moment.
Seeing him thus, Su Zhongwen could contain his anger no longer and nearly roared into Su Chen's ear:
"Su Chen, you need to wake up! Have some respect! It's the Empress—Her Majesty, the Empress! Can't you at least muster a little dignity and reverence?"
---
Blasted by his elder brother's tirade, Su Chen finally muttered, disgruntled, "Alright, I get it, brother."
He opened his eyes at last, just as a cold, mechanical voice suddenly echoed in his mind.
"Ding. Congratulations, host, for lying in bed for fifteen hours today. The system rewards you with two merit points. Your total merit points: 520."
At this, a rare smile flickered across Su Chen's chiseled face.
In truth, Su Chen was not a native of Grand Qian. His soul came from over two millennia in the future, and by a twist of fate, he had transmigrated into this parallel world as Su Zhongwen's brother.
This Grand Qian resembled the Tang Dynasty of his memories, but was also vastly different. Here were Li Yuan, Li Shimin, the Xuanwu Debate, the Reign of Zhen'guan—familiar names, but in unfamiliar patterns.
Everything overturned Su Chen's understanding of the Tang. Yet, if something as absurd as transmigration could happen to him, who was to say Wu Zetian couldn't become Empress decades ahead of schedule?
Perhaps this was what novels called a parallel universe.
Su Chen quickly accepted reality. He hardly cared who sat the throne.
After all, his awakened system was called the "Unbeatable Lie-Flat System."
Simply put, as long as he slept enough each day and did nothing, he would earn merit points. With enough points, he could exchange them for rewards in the system's shop.
From time to time, the system even handed out bonuses.
In short: the more he lay flat, the stronger he became. Sleep made him invincible.
Could there be a sweeter life?
Especially since his brother was Minister of Justice, Su Chen could comfortably idle away his days as a scoundrel—no, a privileged official's son.
...
At the Su Residence gate
The Empress's procession was a spectacle beyond compare. The street before the Su Residence was cleared by the imperial guards. Armored soldiers in golden mail stood on either side, stern and unmoving as a wall of bronze.
A dragon carriage drew near, pulled by six fine steeds. Its body was inlaid with gold, silver, jade, pearls, and gemstones; dragons and phoenixes were carved in relief, proclaiming imperial glory and magnificence.
Within the carriage sat Wu Zetian, first Empress in the history of the world since the earliest sovereigns.
"Your servant, Su Zhongwen, greets Your Majesty!"
When the carriage arrived, Su Zhongwen hurriedly dragged Su Chen forward to bow in greeting.
While Su Chen found the ritual tedious, he was lazy, not stupid, and performed the bow with due decorum.
"Minister Su, there is no need for such formality," came a cold, yet commanding, alluringly regal voice from within the carriage.
The curtain was then gently lifted by the attendant, the Lady Shangguan Wan'er.
Beneath the blue sky and white clouds, the eternal first and only Empress was revealed to all.
Her beauty was peerless—her features exquisitely defined, every elegant curve a testament to her character and charm, impossible to look away from. Not even the wide golden dragon robe concealed her proud, graceful figure.
Between her brows was a cold arrogance, her imperial majesty impossible to deny.
---
Su Chen was immediately stunned by this sovereign woman of the ages.
[My god, she's so fierce! So this is the legendary Empress Wu Zetian?]
...
Inside the dragon carriage, the Empress suddenly stiffened, for a voice had just sounded in her ear.
"Who is it? Who dares to speak? Who dares call me by name?"
Wu Zetian's body tensed, her phoenix eyes flashing with murderous light as she scanned her surroundings.
But the street had been cleared; aside from the faint wind, there was no sound at all.
The Empress shook her head. Was this a hallucination?
Upon reflection, she decided it must be exhaustion—after all, her ascension was unprecedented. Though she now sat firmly upon the throne, the realm was far from stable.
Remnants of the former dynasty eyed her warily, the great clans acted with impunity. Natural disasters struck repeatedly, and foreign tribes stared hungrily beyond the borders, ready to invade at any moment.
Her reign teetered on the edge—one misstep could mean not only losing the throne, but her very life.
And yet, Wu Zetian was undaunted.
To be a woman on the throne—unheard of since time immemorial!
Since she was Empress, she would accomplish what no woman before her had dared.
Why should she not, as a woman, rival the achievements of Qin Shi Huang or Emperor Wu of Han, and be remembered through the ages?
She, Wu Zetian, would prove to the people, the officials, and all generations to come: a woman can rule, and women are no less than men!
...
[What is the Empress doing? My back is aching from bowing so long. Can she let us stand already?]
[And why are we all stuck outside chatting? Can't we go in? I'm freezing to death out here.]
[Why is the Empress just staring blankly? Isn't she tired? I need to get back and catch up on sleep—I'm exhausted.]
Su Chen continued complaining inwardly about the Empress.
Yet, just as Wu Zetian was lost in her own thoughts, that same voice sounded again in her mind.
"Who is it?"
Wu Zetian was nearly driven mad, goosebumps prickling her skin.
There it was again—the strange voice!
She heard it directly in her mind, and realized with growing dread that no one else seemed to hear it at all.
This was no hallucination!